Day 9,793

I experienced much difficulty starting up my vessel this morning. I believe that 5:30 AM is much too early for any living creature on this planet to awake, based on the way I was required to push my companion mammal off of me, as he refused to awake as well. In my groggy stupor, I craved much magic bean sauce.

I arrived at my place of labor smiling, and gave my comrades some recreational sustenance called “Cow Tales,” of which I purchased 3 lbs of at the internet amazon. I found “Cow Tales” at the Tree of Dollars, and became strongly fond of it. I was unable to find trees which produced dollars there however, to my dismay. It would have made life on this planet much easier if I could simply grow currency. I am proficient with vegetation. I could have even bred hybrids of African and American currency, for the African-Americans, and Japanese and American currency, for the Japanese-Americans—the possibilities would have been endless. And everyone would have currency, as I would have plenty to provide. I reiterate, I am proficient with vegetation.

I consumed an excessive amount of “Cow Tales” and my abdominal sustenance storage ached.

I performed verbal conversion of one language to another for approximately 2 hours at the end of my labor hours. I thoroughly enjoyed that time however, as it was spent with 2 of my favorite employment comrades. We also enjoyed some “innuendos,” which is my favorite kind of earthling humor, involving hidden, subtle, and often creative references to intercourse.

After labor, I visited a sustenance consumption establishment with my Earth mother. I consumed much cheese with bread and avocadoos. Avocadoos are green, brain matter-like Earth vegetation pods, with large seeds, approximately the size of an ocular orb. The sustenance took much time to arrive, and my Earth mother was consuming margaritas during the waiting period. Margaritas are a lightly toxic substance which earthlings enjoy consuming because it tastes similarly to cleaning solution, and it disrupts their cranial processors, causing forgetfulness. Earthlings enjoy hygiene. Earthlings also enjoy disassociating. My earthling mother was no longer present.

We then quickly procured a date of birth celebration gift for a date of birth celebration gathering I will be attending this day of Saturn. I hope the infant earthling enjoys it. I always find it difficult selecting appropriate gifts for earthlings. Particularly young earthlings. I considered undergarments, as if the washing of undergarments indicates romantic interest, providing the undergarments that they may one day have washed by another earthling seems to be an indication of unconditional and freeing love. However I was told that I was incorrect, and to purchase a “toy” instead. Toys are items which capture the attention of young earthlings for approximately 2 hours, before being forgotten and donated to the Will of Good.

My vessel is force starting sleep mode, and I must now succumb to the sleepy.